Deadly snakes and killer coconuts

If there's one Aussie stereotype that cracks me up, it's the one about how everything here can kill you. It's true, Australia is home to the top 10 deadliest snakes in the world. There's the notorious red back spider, which is apparently a little guy with a big — and lethal — bite. Or the aggressive and venomous taipan snake...hmm, that's not a good combo. And of course those great whites. No explanation needed.

Of course this is just the shortlisted version. After all, I would like people to come and visit me here, so reciting all the nasties that could kill you is probably not the best promotional tactic. In reality, the chances of dying from these creatures are pretty slim. You'd be better off worrying about the human creatures. (Kind of reminds me of those random statistics that get thrown around whenever someone talks about shark attacks in Hawaii — how you're more likely to die while driving or from a coconut falling on your head.) 

Okay, now I'm ready...

Just when I'm starting to overcome this Aussie stereotype, I'm confronted with another one. In planning an upcoming trip through southeast Asia, I've been studiously reading every Lonely Planet I can get my hands on, scouring the travel forums and making nice with all those international students. Turns out SE Asia's got some nasties of their own. Parasites. Food- and water-borne diseases. Fungal infections. The list goes on. 

Still, I wondered — Are all those recommended immunizations and stacks of medication really necessary? Or am I just being a hyper-sensitive westerner who assumes that anyone who coughs within a five foot radius of me will surely pass on the bird flu? After several days of internal debate on whether to visit the doctor, I finally caved in and made an appointment. My mother would be so proud. Three shots, six boxes of pills and hundreds of dollars in medical bills later...

Perhaps the most jarring part of the whole experience was the doc's warning about food and water safety. Read: diarrhea. Nearly verbatim, our conversation went like this: 

Me: "Honestly, what are my chances of getting diarrhea?"

Doc: "How long are you traveling?"

Me: "Maybe three months or so."

Doc: "Oh...in that case, it's not if, but when."  

So somewhere between jungle treks and tuk-tuk rides, I should factor in a few days of violent diarrhea, nausea and cramps? Geez, doc, what a buzz kill. Oh well, at least I've got a (very expensive) pill for that!